Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
