I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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