True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
