I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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