i barfeds in our rink
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
