im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
