Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
