She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
