You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
You can't just leave with hair like that
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
