I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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