Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
