So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize
