Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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