at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
