Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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