I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
