WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
