I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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