conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I understand Curling. That high.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
