my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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