you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
