Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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