The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
