Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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