You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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