the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
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