Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
