The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
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