Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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