me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
