Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Let's paint friendship bongs
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
