i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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