woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I need a beard to bite.
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