i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
