The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
