I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
