So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
