I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
