apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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