well you can't waste a boner
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
