you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
