You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
