It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
