It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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