Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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