I want to make a zoo with you.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
