the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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