Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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