I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
