luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
